John 1

On Monday, April 27th I began reading the book of John. This post is dedicated to summarizing John 1: using the SOAP method (Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer).

S: "And John testified, I saw the Spirit descending from heaven like a dove, and he rested on him."

O: John was referencing Jesus Christ and testifying that he was indeed the Messiah. For many years, I always thought that a dove descended on Jesus because John 1 is such a popular book in the bible that I have heard many times, this was a mistake that I made. It wasn't until I took my time reading it that I realized it wasn't an actual dove that descended upon Jesus, but the Spirit who assumed a dove like appearance.

A: After I received the revelation about the dove it got me to realize that the Spirit of God can assume whatever form he desires. Doves are thought to be a sign of love, purity, and positivity; while crows are thought to be an omen of death. Crows serve as popular allegorical tropes for horror novels and/or movies. And yet, they're extremely knowledgeable and loyal. How can they too, not come from God? If he could send a raven to feed Elijah in his chosen exile, surely he can use a crow for something godly. For is not life and death in the hands of God? Then why have we come to fear it? Death. Why have we come to fear it? On Sunday, April 26th I was working in our den when I got up to stretch, and look out the window of our backdoor. Within seconds, a crow hurriedly flew up, startling the life out of me! In my timidity, I jumped. All while being captivated by the beauty of its black feathers, and its prowess. It was too big to balance itself on our line wire, but it managed to very gently balance itself enough for me to see its profile, before flying off into the distance. [In general, there have been a lot of crows in my neighborhood which we have attributed to the many deaths due to the coronavirus.] I know not, what message if any, it was sent to give me, but I choose to give God credit for having allowed me to see it, rather than receiving it as an omen from the enemy.

P: Father God, help me to see you in all the details rather than being quick to assign blame or credit to the enemy; for something that could very much be a part of your divine purpose for my life. In Jesus Name, I pray. Amen.

Closing Remarks: A Christian's testimony ought to accomplish what John the Baptist's testimony did: pointing people to Jesus so that they want to follow him. When you understand who Jesus is, you'll want others to know him. (This was taken from Tony Evans Bible Commentary)

the seed

The seed...he didn't ask to come here.

The seed...was placed in the woman's womb by God.

The woman did not conceive the seed by way of immaculate conception. She and the man who would later become the monster...conceived the seed in matrimony.

The seed asks the woman not long ago...if the monster will hit him?

The woman responds saying she doesn't think so.

The seed then asks the woman if the monster will hit her?

The woman hesitates before responding..."I hope not."

The monster tries to use his influence over the seed to separate the woman from having a close bond with her seed.

Sometimes the woman becomes discouraged, and fears that the monster will devise a wicked scheme to take away her seed. To punish her because he knows that her seed is where he can hurt her the most.

The woman asks herself, "what's the worst thing the monster can do to me..." she ponders...

"He could hit me," but of course I would find a way to get even.

She thinks again..."what's the worst the monster can do to me..."

"Take away my seed," she dreads.

Suddenly, the woman rethinks her fears. If the worst thing that the monster can do to her is take away her seed...then that really isn't the worst thing at all.

The woman realizes that the worst thing that could happen to her is not losing her seed, or being bonded to the monster for the rest of her life...it's being separated from her Creator. It's losing out on His love.

There is a start date and an end date to everything, the woman reminds herself. Even if the monster doesn't take her seed away from her, there will come a time when the seed will face his end date; as will the woman.

And greater still, is the end date of their oppressor.

the monster

People believe that monsters are figments of one's imagination. That they're big, scary, furry or out-of-this-world ugly in terms of their appearance. 

Many don't stop to consider that sometimes, however, people can take on the form of monsters, especially when what's on the inside of them can no longer be controlled to stay there. Those emotions must come out, and so must the monster.

I know a monster...who does his best to hide in the shadows. Who is crumbling on the surface, whose temper is fighting to remain unseen.

I know a monster...who stalks to and fro looking to find something. What, he doesn't know, but he's looking all the same. Determined that guilt is to be had, and someone will pay the cost.

I know a monster...who is consumed with what people think about him, because heaven forbid someone sees through his facade, and into his temper. 

I know a monster...who craves control, and will stop at nothing to get it. 

I know a monster...who wants to be hailed as a "good guy," yet in his thoughts and actions he's one fist away from assault and battery.

I know a monster...who notices how easily the woman's skin bruises and how easily the skin of their seed, bruises too.

I know a woman. 

A strong woman. 

A scared woman. 

A tired woman. 

She sees through the monster's charms, and craves so badly to run away from him. Yet, she knows that as long as she's alive, her monster will find her, and he will make her subject to him. One way or another. She wants to run to this person and that person, yet the only person who is strong enough to deliver her from her monster...isn't a person at all. He is a force. And so she's praying that this force will render a supernatural answer so strong that it will release her of her monster; henceforth and evermore.

And in the meantime, she's praying for the fear to subside within her because... 

Twas' fear;

That attracted the monster to her in the first place.

Imagine?

“Imagine there’s no countries. It isn’t hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too.” These are some of the lyrics to “Imagine” which was both written and sung by John Lennon. It is a timeless song that wonderfully imagines a host of possibilities about life. There are those, who despite the songs tempting and lofty ideas, couldn’t imagine a life sans religion, or faith. Though the ever increasing presence of xenophobia exists, it can be argued that so does the willpower of those who practice any religion, and who dare to persevere and not conform, while running the risks of being lambasted or rejected for refusal to endorse the status quo. Perhaps what the world sees as a religion, faith practitioners see as an undying relationship, to a deity or deities, for whom they deem it is worth to suffer.

The Middle

It is pretty fair to say that I was born in the middle. I am not the middle child. I am my father's only remaining child, and my mother's only child. The statement about being born in the middle comes from the role that I was assigned by my mother and grandmother. I have been in the middle of their on-again, off-again contentious relationship for as long as I can remember.

Fast forward to now, I tend to still be in the middle. I try not to take sides, but rather acknowledge fault on both sides and strive to remain peaceful. I don't tend to tell either of them where I find them to be at fault, unless there's some blow up that causes me to lash out. 

Throughout my life, I tend to be the person that other people come to--to vent. Sometimes about one another, and sometimes just about life. I have learned to not repeat what I'm told, and to remain neutral. Open to listen to both sides, and quick to remain loyal to both as well.

This can sometimes come at a cost. A very high cost, especially when people take my passivity for weakness, and believe they can bully me. There is a lot I know, and that much more I can say in response to being insulted. Most times, I try to be the bigger person. I try to take the high road, forgive, and move forward.

What I have recently, and very painfully recognized is that there comes a time when silence is not the best answer. When a response to insensitivity and bullying must be called out for what it is. A family member recently popped-off at the mouth so viciously that upon reading her text, I was nearly shut-down.

I couldn't think. I wanted to cry. I wanted to curse. Instead, I shared it with my husband as calmly as I knew how and together we shared the truth behind the person's mean words, and from where they were coming. We acknowledged our hurt and our pain. Then we sucked it up and had fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

I know the latter part of that paragraph may appear to be full-on mush, but it's true. We decided that we weren't going to allow this person's distorted version of the truth shape our actions, and how we chose to spend time as a family.

Can I tell you that we are still hurt by the words this person threw at us. I am still angry, but I refuse to lose joy, to stop living my life over the misery of someone else.

While I believe in the power being in the middle provides me such as, serving as an intercessor or mediator; I do believe it's vital to walk away from this person to assess how to remove myself from being her target. 

My response to this person closed with "I don't know what's wrong with you, but I didn't do it." "Take care." Translation: We both know what's wrong with you, but only you can do something about it. In the meantime, you don't have the right to bully me through text. You don't have the right to speak recklessly to me. I don't have to take your crap. I am not your target anymore, and until you can treat me with respect and not intentionally seek to wound me with your words, I release you.

I am not a victim. I am not a pushover. I am no one's target. I have removed the bulls-eye from my back. And no one will put it back. 

ON

Back in the day...Saved by the Bell was my jam!!! I lived for Saturday mornings where my cousins and I would eagerly await new episodes. Even back then I would chuckle at some of the show's cheesiest moments, but I still loved it nonetheless. The above clip comes from one of the funniest episodes to me. Though the issue at hand is of no laughing matter, it's the character's response to her stress that I find humorous. In fact, every now and then, I joke to pulling a "Jessie Spano"...I know...I'm ridiculous, but there's something to be said about always feeling as though you have to be "ON."

There are times when I just don't want to be bothered. With life. With people. With myself. I want to be "OFF." I want to be reckless. I want to tell people what's really on my mind. I want to curse. I want to get physical, and NOT in the Olivia Newton-John sense either! Yet as I become older, I am keenly aware of what I have at stake...and I know that to risk that for a brief moment of being "OFF," isn't worth it. 

Everything doesn't need to be said. Starting sentences off with "I feel like," or "I'm just saying" are not options for me in this season. Feelings can be very deceptive. In this season I'm saying to myself, Jasmine, "Shut up!" Not, "Be quiet." Not, "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." I am saying to myself, "SHUT UP!" If I said everything that I felt...everything that came to my mind I would be detested. I would speak word curses over people, that would cause wounds no apology could ever heal. 

I know the power of my tongue. I know the poison that can drip from it when I lash out. I'd rather process my anger at 34 then to give myself a pass to be in my feelings.  It takes a lot to get me upset, but once I'm there--it's very hard for me to calm down. When I was younger and I got upset, I had to burn something. Setting something on fire would calm me down. Guess you could say that I was quite the little arsonist! I let that go--to embrace needing to break something. I've had my Muhammad Ali moments. Where before I knew it, I was jumping in the air and preparing to swing. 

I don't share that proudly, I share it because I have learned that it's always best to walk away. To shut my mouth, and hold my peace. Life and death are truly in the power of the tongue, especially mine. 

What am I saying? That I'm always "ON?" No, far from it! But when I'm "off" it tends to be in the presence of God because I would rather fall into his hands than the hands of man any day! With God there's mercy, there's not always mercy with humans. I give God my ugly, my screams, my pain. Sometimes I curse, but I give it to Him. I let him know how unfair it is, how I really want to respond, and once I get that all out of my system, I can gradually work my way to being "ON" again.

Christ died that I would walk in the light. That I would choose the light over darkness. I use to think that being "on" involved me being fake. And sometimes it is fake. What I am projecting isn't always what I'm feeling, but I'd rather project kindness and allow that to seep into my heart, than to settle for being wicked--for being reckless. 

I don't know who's watching me. I don't know how my influence is affecting those around me, but I do know that I've come too far from where I've started from to be "off." Hence, I chose to be "ON."

The Interview: Father's Day Edition

As a wife and mom, it would be very easy to share my thoughts about Hosea as a Father. In all fairness though, I thought it would be unique to hear what he had to say about being a Father, and to instead record it in his own words. His responses represent the questions he was asked by me.

JP: Did you feel like a Dad throughout the 9 months leading up to Zay's arrival? Or did you feel like a Dad when you first laid eyes on him?
HP: When I first laid eyes on him.

JP: What thoughts or emotions did you experience when you first laid eyes on Zay?
HP: It wasn't thoughts, as much as it was emotion. I felt a new love...a whole notha kind of love.

JP: How many Father's Days have you celebrated?
HP: 3.

JP: What about fatherhood brings you joy?
HP: Having someone who looks up to you, seeing Zay grow, and being able to be there for him spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.

JP: What's hard about being a Father?
HP: Learning as I go...

JP: Favorite things to do with Zay?
HP: Watch movies (Bumblebee, Black Panther, Ant Man 1+2), wrestle, and pray. I also love when he lays on me and shows me affection.
JP: I love seeing the two of you wrestling on the floor, and hearing Zay laugh uncontrollably from the excitement of it.

JP: How do you speak into his life?
HP: I pray over him, and I tell him to be a good example, to be a leader, and not a follower.
JP:What else do you say to him?
HP: I tell him he's a leader of God.
JP: That's my favorite thing to hear you tell him, and I especially love when he repeats it.

JP: Favorite memory with Zay?
HP: Him saying his first words, and taking his first steps.

JP: How has becoming a Father changed you?
HP: It has taught me how to be more patient, and more importantly it has caused me to see things I've needed to change, and the things I can no longer do.

JP: What are your fears in raising Zay?
HP: That he will be a victim of police brutality, and be overcome by the darkness and cruelty of the world itself.

JP: What do we do consistently as parents with Zay?
HP: We pray over him, give him unconditional love, show him kindness, teach him the meaning of forgiveness and caring. 
JP: I have personally come to love that we pray at night as a family in Zay's room before he goes to sleep.We also read to him almost every night. 

JP: Final words?
HP: I didn't have a Dad who was there spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I want to care for Zay's heart. I want to be present. Caring for him and being there when he needs me...I want to be there to wipe his tears. His Heavenly Father will always be present, but I want to be here as long as I can taking care of my responsibility. I don't want to make promises, I can't keep.

JP: Thank you for being the Father Zay deserves and needs. Thanks for wanting to be in his life, and for helping to raise him. Happy Father's Day baby 💓💕💕💕💕💕