Crowned

 

2020 has been anything but glorious. In my last post, I vented about some of the hardships that I've encountered this year. As I got to thinking though, I realized that this year was filled with so much favor from God that it was important for me to not overlook. I am making my way through the book of Psalm. Earlier this week, I read Psalm 65 in the Christian Standard Bible translation. Verse 11 says, "You crown the year with your goodness; your carts overflow with plenty." When I initially read that, I thought "say what?" All the deaths attributed to COVID-19. All the lay-offs. All the closed businesses. All the canceled festivities. Still, the word of God is clear; God has crowned the year with his goodness; his carts overflow with plenty.

This verse makes it clear that despite the events of 2020, God has crowned the year with his goodness; his carts overflow with plenty.

2020 has been one heck of a year, and it's not over! Our hope is not to be lost in what has happened, for what has happened cannot be undone. Our hope is to be had in what lies ahead. For what lies ahead is unseen. We hope for what we do not yet have, but hope to inherit someday. 

Though I have lost much in 2020, I can say God has crowned my year with goodness; my carts overflow with plenty. Can you say the same despite whoever or whatever you may have lost this year?

#begrateful

Mi año

Lordwilling, if I am here to see 2020 end it will not be missed! I will keep my gripes about the year short, but man has it been a tough one. Even with the pandemic, this year has seen the end of more friendships or close relationships of mine, than in years past.

In fact, a few weeks ago I prayed to the Lord asking to leave relationships not meant to be a part of my 2021, in 2020. I didn't expect Him to answer me so quickly.

I had two relationships explode literally a week a part from each other. One with a person I considered to be a former best friend calling me out of my name, and trying to throw painful details I shared with her, in my face.

Rather than respond, I ignored her. 2020 has helped to teach me how and how not to respond. 

I spent a large chunk of the year behaving foolishly. Yelling, confronting folks in their faces, and just actin ignant. I allowed my temper to get the best of me at times, and some of the things that came out of my mouth were absolutely shameful. I found that my silence over the years helped to create a rage that laid dormant within me until this year. Controlling my rage has been an ongoing challenge for me, but...

By the time my former friend cussed me out, I had developed enough self-control not to go Laila Ali on her. Though it was hard, I am happy she never got the satisfaction of seeing my ugly side in that moment.

For every relationship that I lost this year, I cannot say that I gained another. What I can say is that I gained my voice, and having a voice is bigger than having a lot of friends especially if they don't know how to treat you.

Jas, has always been laid-back, quiet, and reserved without much to say. I learned early on how to suppress my feelings so that others could feel validated and happy. For most of my life, I have been the perfect candidate for bullies because I never spoke up for myself. 

...Until this year. This year I said no, and I meant it. When I didn't want to talk to certain folks I didn't. When I wanted to delete someone as my friend on social media, I did. No explanations, I just did. Protecting my peace became mandatory. And what I grew to discover was that the supposed people in my life who "luhed" me couldn't handle who I was becoming.

TRUTH

Why certain relationships in my life this year ended; because of the truth. The moment I stopped sugarcoating my words, stopped tolerating nonsense, and began speaking up for myself some of the people in my life couldn't handle it. I spent less time being silent, and became more focused on asserting myself through trying situations. People will tell you to be upfront with them, but the truth is that majority of them cannot handle the truth. They would rather feel good, than to be given an honest word. If your current circle of friends doesn't receive truth well, it might be in your best interest to release them. 

NEWS FLASH: AIN'T NOBODY BULLYIN JASMINE, PERIODT.

Listen, if folks cannot handle who you are becoming then they most certainly won't be able to handle who you will be. As my girl Marilyn Monroe once said, "I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." And that ladies and gentlemen is what I like to call, real talk.

It's sad that when you're saying and doing everything people expect of you, everything is cool. The minute you begin to think for yourself and take some time to decide who you are, not who they want you to be, things change. Everybody isn't this way, but a lot of people who were associated with me were, and they had to go!

The parting words of those who were once close to me have hurt me, and every now and then I can feel pings of anger when I dwell on them for too long. They may even be able to say the same about my words...if I am being honest.

However, I cannot worry what they will say to try and disparage my name, nor should I care. With so much light and victory ahead of me, why or earth would I stop to turn back to see the past and those stuck there?

I won't. Cheers, to moving forward.

FORWARD

My health was something that I took for granted. My foot injury coupled by COVID-19 pushed a long pause button on my fitness routine. I wasn't eating properly and I needed to make some changes to my diet. During the Thanksgiving holiday, I pleaded with God that if he healed me I would make those changes. It has been nearly three weeks since I've had meat (My husband also decided to do this with me, bless his heart!) and I feel great. I can't see me ever giving up fried chicken completely, but I will admit that working out and eating healthy has me feeling at my best; and I am in no rush to forfeit this feeling. 

I am looking forward to the journey ahead, though I expect it will not be easy. Still, if God has brought me this far, he can surely take me even further...by faith.

 

Hijo...

Hoy es el cumpleaños de mi hijo. Él tiene cuatro años. No puedo creo que mi hijo tiene cuatro años. Oseas es muy inteligente y chitoso. Me amo mi hijo mucho. Le gustan leer libros y mirar la televisión. Espero hoy es un día bueno para él. ¡Feliz cumpleaños, Oseas!

Today, the son to whom God entrusted to me turns four-years-old. I cannot believe it. Mi hijo is four-years-old! Four years ago, I spent twelve hours in labor before the big push came to pass. Zay is healthy, smart, kind, and funny. He is thoughtful. He's an absolute Godsend.

Several months ago, he used to tell me all the time that he would never leave me. To which I would respond, "Yes, but if you do I understand." "It's okay to leave me, because at some point life will require that you must." I don't want Zay to be a momma's boy. I want him to be confident that he can be a man apart from me. 

Someday, Zay will have a wife. He will need to know how to lead her. How to be there for her. How to comfortably place her as the first lady of his life. In order to cleave to his wife...he must...he must leave me. If he never leaves me...then he will never learn how to cleave to his wife. So no, I don't want him to be a momma's boy, I need him to be a man. A strong man. For God, for his wife, and their family someday...

Although the day will surely come when I am no longer the first lady of Zay's life, it doesn't mean that I won't be rooting for him. No matter where he is. Or who he is with, I will always be rooting for the son to whom God has entrusted to me.

Conundrum

I don't always make sense, but I am not confusing. I am peculiar. 

I listen to Christian, Rap, Country, Rock, Hip-Hop, Pop, and R & B music, but not all at the same time. It really just depends on my mood. I'll sing along with Chester Bennington or Amy Lee all day, like they need my vocals. And in the next breath, I'm rapping to "Make 'Em Say Ugh," by Master P. I could try to explain how during a season of my life, Eminem's song "Lose Yourself," ministered to me; how it gave me hope in reminding me that in order to find my life, I would first need to lose it, but that's a concept some of y'all just won't understand. #ohwell

Often times, I see and experience God in ways that have involved secular music. 

I order books, and audio materials for people who don't look like me or think like me. The collection I manage has got something for everybody including believers, people of color, and queer folk just to name a few. I believe representation matters. When people peruse library shelves they should find materials that speak to them and their experience. You may disagree with someone's lifestyle choice, but that doesn't mean it warrants exclusion.

Librarians, Doctors, Nurses, Lawyers, Therapists, and so many other professionals cannot afford to be biased when it comes to the services we offer. The public we serve must feel comfortable coming to us as they are without fear of rejection. We are to accept them, and offer what they need and want.

I am also a follower of Christ. I believe the Bible has the power to shape my life on earth while preparing my soul for eternity through my actions. I don't keep a physical Bible at work because I've learned how to meditate on God's word, and carry it in my heart. 

Kindness goes along way, and some folks need to receive your kindness first, before they ever embrace your faith as their own. 

Life has taught me to choose kindness over religion, and to remember that Jesus didn't die for religion...he died for love. Until people feel loved where they are, and how they are, trying to shove Jesus down their throats won't work. People need to feel love. The question is will it start with you?

I may not look like you, talk like you, or walk like you. I am moody, competitive, overzealous, and just an overall hot-mess! But I will tell you this...I love me some ME. So does God. Heck, he loved me so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to die for a wretch like me...and YOU! 

So that's it. I am a conundrum. The kind who is bold enough to live an untraditional, unorthodox, unscripted life for Jesus that's tailor-made and uniquely fitted for me. #saved

Mentorship

A mentor is an experienced and trusted adviser. Throughout the course of my life, I've had the honor of mentoring over several girls and/or young ladies. They've added so much joy to my life, and when our seasons ended, I have been sad. This morning, I was reflecting on having been a mentor to some of them and God reminded me that it had not been His desire that I would be in their lives for a lifetime.

Even with this, that doesn't mean that the role I was assigned has stopped impacting their lives. Some relationships are just seasonal, and though we may want to hang onto them for whatever reason, God knows best! God says otherwise.

Yesterday, I took a meal to the home of a young lady I am mentoring. She recently lost her step-father. Upon sitting and having a conversation with she and her mother, I learned that her mother and I are a lot closer in age. I assumed that her mother was so much older than me because of her wisdom and maturity, but I was wrong.

When I was leaving her home, the mother walked me outside to my car and thanked me for my relationship with her daughter. She said to me, if I had someone like you in my life when I was my daughter's age my life would have turned out differently. I was eighteen when I had her, and I didn't know anything. I didn't have guidance. My mother wasn't there for me in that way.

You don't need to have all the pieces to the puzzle to get started. The assembly comes in your willingness to see it through. Pay close attention to those around you because God very well may be calling you to serve as a mentor.

Stop thinking about what you need someone to do for you, and think of what you can do for somebody in need.

Exodus 35

Today as I was reading through the commentary for this chapter I felt somewhat overwhelmed and just over it. It's very hard for me to read about the specific details of the tabernacle and things God ordered to be built because I find it to be boring and un-useful to my spiritual journey. God reminded me that He's all about the details because concerning His word; He is in all the details. That He's very much a detail oriented God. He cares about everything. Everything matters to him. Everything has purpose. All of it. The smallest detail matters to him.

And all of it's useful to my spiritual growth and development because it's teaching me how to listen, obey, and be disciplined. Something that as of late, I've been struggling with. I have been speaking rather recklessly the past few days, especially. Last week, when my son was sick and I was working from home helping to care for him I was knocked off my feet. My sleep became irregular, and yet I was still going and going and well...you get the point.

I was frustrated. Running around. Doing this and that. Not taking time to just sit down! God through Exodus has taught me the importance of slowing down, and of resting. Earlier this year, I had done a great job at resting during the Sabbath which I choose to celebrate on Saturday. With COVID-19, I've gotten away from it. But on yesterday, I rested. I took my son over to my mother's home, and came back home after picking up my prescription. I bought two things yesterday, gas and that prescription. Whereas, I was very tempted to go and do some shopping, but I told myself that I wasn't going to do that. I told myself no. As hard as it was, it was such a great thing for me to have done.

Saturday is once again becoming a sacred day of rest for me. I also unplugged from social media. I removed the Facebook app from my phone, and attempted to turn off the notifications from IG because I am just over being inundated with notifications and messages that just don't require so much of my time or attention.

Cheers! To starting my week off with more of God and less of the world. 

It's All in the Details...EXODUS 25

So...I am making my way through the book of Exodus. I was excited to begin reading it at first, and I mean why wouldn't I be? The book of Exodus is one of the most miraculous accounts in the Bible; from the plagues to the parting of the Red Sea. Once the Israelites make it out, it's clear that God is committed to teaching them how they must live for Him. Exodus 25 marks the beginning of chapters where God is more or less instructing them on how he must be worshiped; he's teaching them the difference between right and wrong worship.

He instructs Moses to build an ark and gives him the specifications on what it must have. It's mind-blowing at all the details of this ark. I was reading it the whole time thinking, "God, I don't care about some ark you ordered Moses to build thousand of years ago. How does this speak to me today? How can I apply this to my life today?" What I discerned from the Holy Spirit more or less is that God is a God of details. He cares about the details. And if details matter to Him then they should also matter to us. 

Moses needed to humble himself and listen to God. He could have never been obedient to creating the ark, if he never took the time to listen to God. Sometimes, I am disobedient because I don't listen. I don't wait for instruction. I dive right into something without having listened to whatever God had to say about it first. To obey means that willingness is present. It also means that you've listened. Listening and obeying may go hand-in-hand, but having an open ear always precedes any instruction and/or action that may follow.

Okay God, now I get it what you wanted me to get from Exodus 25.