I stated the above prayer before getting out of bed this morning. Bitterness found its way into my heart this past weekend, and I allowed myself to explore deeply why. Why was I feeling bitter? I knew this morning that despite my hurt, God was wanting me to once again entrust it to Him. I thought my post for today would largely deal with bitterness, but as I arrived at church and listened I soon realized God had other plans.
It was simple. I arrived at church and I wanted to enter through the side entrance, but God prompted me to enter through the front entrance. I was hesitant because I know that there tend to be more people at the front entrance, which meant I couldn't easily sneak pass without going by unnoticed. Still, I obeyed and went through the front entrance. There were many faces I passed, as expected but it was looking good. I stopped and spoke, but I was steadily making my way to the sanctuary until my feet came to a complete stop.
One of my sisters from a past Christian study called, Journey, was working a booth and I haven't seen her in awhile. Journey was an intense study that my church offered, and in that study I along with several other women shared our life's narratives. There is never a time when I don't stop to speak with one of my sisters from that study. No matter how brief it is, we stop and greet each other warmly. We held each other in a tight embrace, neither of us wanting to let the other go.
When we did finally break a part, I was met with her intense and beautiful eyes asking me, how was I? To which I responded, I am well (lie. more on this later). We were still holding on to one another and her eyes appeared to see right through me. I asked her how she was, and she smiled and chuckled before retorting "life is shitty, but I am so glad I've got God." I squeezed her hand, because although I didn't say that I felt the same way. As we squeezed hands, I agreed that I would be lost without Him.
Later on, I would kick myself for not being honest with my sister in that moment. She had actually taken the time to ask about my well-being, and mean it. So many times, people ask me how I am and they don't mean it. They don't want to take the time to listen to my honest feelings. Even though, my initial response was a lie, I am glad to have a moment to recognize that someone else is facing some challenges as well. I am not alone.
Pastor Doug opened his sermon with the story of the Passion of Christ. The word passion has always been one of wonder for me. I never quite understood the meaning of it until today. Pastor Doug described passion not in the sense of how we have come to associate it, with romance, sex, or desire. He defined it along the lines of Jesus' willingness to suffer for us. That Jesus in His passion for man would allow himself to be crucified.
In that moment, I knew that would be the focus of my post today. Do you remember my prayer at the beginning? That prayer came in my response to revelation I received from God this past weekend. God revealed to me that some of the reason why I have not been given access to serve in certain capacities, has been strongly influenced by the lack of spiritual maturity of those closes to me. You may be saying to yourself, I should get some new friends or change my circle. God is saying otherwise, however.
Yes, God wants me to run my race, but He also wants me to be mindful of the races being run around me. I cannot run someone else's race. I cannot force a man who wants to quit to keep running, but what I can do is encourage him. I can pray for him. I can fast for him; not that he does what I want him to do, but that he would seek first the kingdom...and if that man should fall, and fall, and fall, then I should be willing to help him up. To lend a hand, even when he thinks it's not my hand he needs.
Essentially, what God needs from me is my willingness to be content with the possibility of never inheriting the blessings or rewards on earth, that I am faithful of receiving, if those closes to me are spiritually immature.
By faith, I may be deserving of much but if I never receive it on this earth, then that's my lot. I can think of a host of saints, Abraham, Sarah, Rahab, Noah, and Moses to name a few, who by faith were deserving of much, but their rewards were not always earthly.
"All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them." (Hebrews 11:13-16)
God, by faith, help me to live a life of passion, a life of suffering so that those closes to me may be closer to you.
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