#humbleconfidence

Have you ever met someone who had "IT?" You can't quite describe it but they've got "IT?" 

I continue to be amazed at the ways God brings about revelation to me. A professional friend of mine is the founder of an organization that specializes in workshops centering around suicide prevention for teens. Come May, she'll be presenting one of these workshops at the library. My colleagues and I sat down and met with her, and I could tell they were each very impressed by her.

Earlier last week, they both spoke to her confidence. It was her confidence that stood out to them. She has the "IT" Factor. Kiesha's got confidence! And it was in that very moment, that I realized how much I tend to lack confidence, especially artistically. I was proud of myself because normally when God imparts self-revelation to me, I have a tendency of putting myself down, but I am learning how to extend grace to myself.

Throughout my life, my confidence has been an uphill battle that first began with my appearance. Never feeling pretty enough, most of my poor decision making in my twenties stemmed from low self-esteem. Overtime I gave this over to God, and my inner beauty blossomed in such a way, that my outer beauty had no choice but to catch up!

There was a time I associated beauty with hair length, perfect teeth, pedicured feet, clothes, and curves. Now, there is no definition for my beauty. From my Christian faith to my calloused feet, I'm dope; my inner self, and my peculiarities all suggest this...#blackgirlmagic

In fact, it was during my head wrapping stage that I met my husband. During that season, I committed to not wearing weaves or wigs. My hair was short, and when I didn't have the money to get it styled, I resorted to wearing head wraps. And they were beautiful...sometimes I would even clip a flower to them, which became a signature for me.

My outer appearance is no longer a struggle for me. I have my days when I don't feel as on, but that's life, and not so much from a lack of confidence. Then what is it? Where are you lacking confidence, Jasmine? The answer...is in my talents...in writing for the performing arts, and the way I struggle to communicate.

I struggle with stepping into new territories knowing that I have the talent to be there. My passion for the performing arts is not a fad, and only those closes to me know how much it means to me to one day make a livelihood from a career solely based in the arts. 

When things don't work out quite the way I want and those I hope will support my talents reject them, I get discouraged. I begin to question if my talent is enough--can I do this or that because so and so isn't supporting me. Will my next idea, be rejected as well, I wonder. All of this leads to me doubting myself.

Today I was reminded of James 1:6-8 which says, "But when you ask, you must believe, and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."

God gave me my talents to represent His glory, not the world's. I pray to stay focus and trust that when things don't work out the way I expected, God is still for me. He is for my writing. He is for my ministry in the arts. God is for me. He is for all of me. Of these truths...I can be confident.

Note to self: God is waiting on me to come into the truth of who He says I am. God made me with confidence. It's in my DNA. It's in my salvation. A part from him I can do nothing, but with Him...I can do anything. #humbleconfidence here I come...