Hijo...

Hoy es el cumpleaños de mi hijo. Él tiene cuatro años. No puedo creo que mi hijo tiene cuatro años. Oseas es muy inteligente y chitoso. Me amo mi hijo mucho. Le gustan leer libros y mirar la televisión. Espero hoy es un día bueno para él. ¡Feliz cumpleaños, Oseas!

Today, the son to whom God entrusted to me turns four-years-old. I cannot believe it. Mi hijo is four-years-old! Four years ago, I spent twelve hours in labor before the big push came to pass. Zay is healthy, smart, kind, and funny. He is thoughtful. He's an absolute Godsend.

Several months ago, he used to tell me all the time that he would never leave me. To which I would respond, "Yes, but if you do I understand." "It's okay to leave me, because at some point life will require that you must." I don't want Zay to be a momma's boy. I want him to be confident that he can be a man apart from me. 

Someday, Zay will have a wife. He will need to know how to lead her. How to be there for her. How to comfortably place her as the first lady of his life. In order to cleave to his wife...he must...he must leave me. If he never leaves me...then he will never learn how to cleave to his wife. So no, I don't want him to be a momma's boy, I need him to be a man. A strong man. For God, for his wife, and their family someday...

Although the day will surely come when I am no longer the first lady of Zay's life, it doesn't mean that I won't be rooting for him. No matter where he is. Or who he is with, I will always be rooting for the son to whom God has entrusted to me.

Conundrum

I don't always make sense, but I am not confusing. I am peculiar. 

I listen to Christian, Rap, Country, Rock, Hip-Hop, Pop, and R & B music, but not all at the same time. It really just depends on my mood. I'll sing along with Chester Bennington or Amy Lee all day, like they need my vocals. And in the next breath, I'm rapping to "Make 'Em Say Ugh," by Master P. I could try to explain how during a season of my life, Eminem's song "Lose Yourself," ministered to me; how it gave me hope in reminding me that in order to find my life, I would first need to lose it, but that's a concept some of y'all just won't understand. #ohwell

Often times, I see and experience God in ways that have involved secular music. 

I order books, and audio materials for people who don't look like me or think like me. The collection I manage has got something for everybody including believers, people of color, and queer folk just to name a few. I believe representation matters. When people peruse library shelves they should find materials that speak to them and their experience. You may disagree with someone's lifestyle choice, but that doesn't mean it warrants exclusion.

Librarians, Doctors, Nurses, Lawyers, Therapists, and so many other professionals cannot afford to be biased when it comes to the services we offer. The public we serve must feel comfortable coming to us as they are without fear of rejection. We are to accept them, and offer what they need and want.

I am also a follower of Christ. I believe the Bible has the power to shape my life on earth while preparing my soul for eternity through my actions. I don't keep a physical Bible at work because I've learned how to meditate on God's word, and carry it in my heart. 

Kindness goes along way, and some folks need to receive your kindness first, before they ever embrace your faith as their own. 

Life has taught me to choose kindness over religion, and to remember that Jesus didn't die for religion...he died for love. Until people feel loved where they are, and how they are, trying to shove Jesus down their throats won't work. People need to feel love. The question is will it start with you?

I may not look like you, talk like you, or walk like you. I am moody, competitive, overzealous, and just an overall hot-mess! But I will tell you this...I love me some ME. So does God. Heck, he loved me so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to die for a wretch like me...and YOU! 

So that's it. I am a conundrum. The kind who is bold enough to live an untraditional, unorthodox, unscripted life for Jesus that's tailor-made and uniquely fitted for me. #saved

Mentorship

A mentor is an experienced and trusted adviser. Throughout the course of my life, I've had the honor of mentoring over several girls and/or young ladies. They've added so much joy to my life, and when our seasons ended, I have been sad. This morning, I was reflecting on having been a mentor to some of them and God reminded me that it had not been His desire that I would be in their lives for a lifetime.

Even with this, that doesn't mean that the role I was assigned has stopped impacting their lives. Some relationships are just seasonal, and though we may want to hang onto them for whatever reason, God knows best! God says otherwise.

Yesterday, I took a meal to the home of a young lady I am mentoring. She recently lost her step-father. Upon sitting and having a conversation with she and her mother, I learned that her mother and I are a lot closer in age. I assumed that her mother was so much older than me because of her wisdom and maturity, but I was wrong.

When I was leaving her home, the mother walked me outside to my car and thanked me for my relationship with her daughter. She said to me, if I had someone like you in my life when I was my daughter's age my life would have turned out differently. I was eighteen when I had her, and I didn't know anything. I didn't have guidance. My mother wasn't there for me in that way.

You don't need to have all the pieces to the puzzle to get started. The assembly comes in your willingness to see it through. Pay close attention to those around you because God very well may be calling you to serve as a mentor.

Stop thinking about what you need someone to do for you, and think of what you can do for somebody in need.

Exodus 35

Today as I was reading through the commentary for this chapter I felt somewhat overwhelmed and just over it. It's very hard for me to read about the specific details of the tabernacle and things God ordered to be built because I find it to be boring and un-useful to my spiritual journey. God reminded me that He's all about the details because concerning His word; He is in all the details. That He's very much a detail oriented God. He cares about everything. Everything matters to him. Everything has purpose. All of it. The smallest detail matters to him.

And all of it's useful to my spiritual growth and development because it's teaching me how to listen, obey, and be disciplined. Something that as of late, I've been struggling with. I have been speaking rather recklessly the past few days, especially. Last week, when my son was sick and I was working from home helping to care for him I was knocked off my feet. My sleep became irregular, and yet I was still going and going and well...you get the point.

I was frustrated. Running around. Doing this and that. Not taking time to just sit down! God through Exodus has taught me the importance of slowing down, and of resting. Earlier this year, I had done a great job at resting during the Sabbath which I choose to celebrate on Saturday. With COVID-19, I've gotten away from it. But on yesterday, I rested. I took my son over to my mother's home, and came back home after picking up my prescription. I bought two things yesterday, gas and that prescription. Whereas, I was very tempted to go and do some shopping, but I told myself that I wasn't going to do that. I told myself no. As hard as it was, it was such a great thing for me to have done.

Saturday is once again becoming a sacred day of rest for me. I also unplugged from social media. I removed the Facebook app from my phone, and attempted to turn off the notifications from IG because I am just over being inundated with notifications and messages that just don't require so much of my time or attention.

Cheers! To starting my week off with more of God and less of the world.