Hijo...

Hoy es el cumpleaños de mi hijo. Él tiene cuatro años. No puedo creo que mi hijo tiene cuatro años. Oseas es muy inteligente y chitoso. Me amo mi hijo mucho. Le gustan leer libros y mirar la televisión. Espero hoy es un día bueno para él. ¡Feliz cumpleaños, Oseas!

Today, the son to whom God entrusted to me turns four-years-old. I cannot believe it. Mi hijo is four-years-old! Four years ago, I spent twelve hours in labor before the big push came to pass. Zay is healthy, smart, kind, and funny. He is thoughtful. He's an absolute Godsend.

Several months ago, he used to tell me all the time that he would never leave me. To which I would respond, "Yes, but if you do I understand." "It's okay to leave me, because at some point life will require that you must." I don't want Zay to be a momma's boy. I want him to be confident that he can be a man apart from me. 

Someday, Zay will have a wife. He will need to know how to lead her. How to be there for her. How to comfortably place her as the first lady of his life. In order to cleave to his wife...he must...he must leave me. If he never leaves me...then he will never learn how to cleave to his wife. So no, I don't want him to be a momma's boy, I need him to be a man. A strong man. For God, for his wife, and their family someday...

Although the day will surely come when I am no longer the first lady of Zay's life, it doesn't mean that I won't be rooting for him. No matter where he is. Or who he is with, I will always be rooting for the son to whom God has entrusted to me.

Conundrum

I don't always make sense, but I am not confusing. I am peculiar. 

I listen to Christian, Rap, Country, Rock, Hip-Hop, Pop, and R & B music, but not all at the same time. It really just depends on my mood. I'll sing along with Chester Bennington or Amy Lee all day, like they need my vocals. And in the next breath, I'm rapping to "Make 'Em Say Ugh," by Master P. I could try to explain how during a season of my life, Eminem's song "Lose Yourself," ministered to me; how it gave me hope in reminding me that in order to find my life, I would first need to lose it, but that's a concept some of y'all just won't understand. #ohwell

Often times, I see and experience God in ways that have involved secular music. 

I order books, and audio materials for people who don't look like me or think like me. The collection I manage has got something for everybody including believers, people of color, and queer folk just to name a few. I believe representation matters. When people peruse library shelves they should find materials that speak to them and their experience. You may disagree with someone's lifestyle choice, but that doesn't mean it warrants exclusion.

Librarians, Doctors, Nurses, Lawyers, Therapists, and so many other professionals cannot afford to be biased when it comes to the services we offer. The public we serve must feel comfortable coming to us as they are without fear of rejection. We are to accept them, and offer what they need and want.

I am also a follower of Christ. I believe the Bible has the power to shape my life on earth while preparing my soul for eternity through my actions. I don't keep a physical Bible at work because I've learned how to meditate on God's word, and carry it in my heart. 

Kindness goes along way, and some folks need to receive your kindness first, before they ever embrace your faith as their own. 

Life has taught me to choose kindness over religion, and to remember that Jesus didn't die for religion...he died for love. Until people feel loved where they are, and how they are, trying to shove Jesus down their throats won't work. People need to feel love. The question is will it start with you?

I may not look like you, talk like you, or walk like you. I am moody, competitive, overzealous, and just an overall hot-mess! But I will tell you this...I love me some ME. So does God. Heck, he loved me so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to die for a wretch like me...and YOU! 

So that's it. I am a conundrum. The kind who is bold enough to live an untraditional, unorthodox, unscripted life for Jesus that's tailor-made and uniquely fitted for me. #saved

Mentorship

A mentor is an experienced and trusted adviser. Throughout the course of my life, I've had the honor of mentoring over several girls and/or young ladies. They've added so much joy to my life, and when our seasons ended, I have been sad. This morning, I was reflecting on having been a mentor to some of them and God reminded me that it had not been His desire that I would be in their lives for a lifetime.

Even with this, that doesn't mean that the role I was assigned has stopped impacting their lives. Some relationships are just seasonal, and though we may want to hang onto them for whatever reason, God knows best! God says otherwise.

Yesterday, I took a meal to the home of a young lady I am mentoring. She recently lost her step-father. Upon sitting and having a conversation with she and her mother, I learned that her mother and I are a lot closer in age. I assumed that her mother was so much older than me because of her wisdom and maturity, but I was wrong.

When I was leaving her home, the mother walked me outside to my car and thanked me for my relationship with her daughter. She said to me, if I had someone like you in my life when I was my daughter's age my life would have turned out differently. I was eighteen when I had her, and I didn't know anything. I didn't have guidance. My mother wasn't there for me in that way.

You don't need to have all the pieces to the puzzle to get started. The assembly comes in your willingness to see it through. Pay close attention to those around you because God very well may be calling you to serve as a mentor.

Stop thinking about what you need someone to do for you, and think of what you can do for somebody in need.

Exodus 35

Today as I was reading through the commentary for this chapter I felt somewhat overwhelmed and just over it. It's very hard for me to read about the specific details of the tabernacle and things God ordered to be built because I find it to be boring and un-useful to my spiritual journey. God reminded me that He's all about the details because concerning His word; He is in all the details. That He's very much a detail oriented God. He cares about everything. Everything matters to him. Everything has purpose. All of it. The smallest detail matters to him.

And all of it's useful to my spiritual growth and development because it's teaching me how to listen, obey, and be disciplined. Something that as of late, I've been struggling with. I have been speaking rather recklessly the past few days, especially. Last week, when my son was sick and I was working from home helping to care for him I was knocked off my feet. My sleep became irregular, and yet I was still going and going and well...you get the point.

I was frustrated. Running around. Doing this and that. Not taking time to just sit down! God through Exodus has taught me the importance of slowing down, and of resting. Earlier this year, I had done a great job at resting during the Sabbath which I choose to celebrate on Saturday. With COVID-19, I've gotten away from it. But on yesterday, I rested. I took my son over to my mother's home, and came back home after picking up my prescription. I bought two things yesterday, gas and that prescription. Whereas, I was very tempted to go and do some shopping, but I told myself that I wasn't going to do that. I told myself no. As hard as it was, it was such a great thing for me to have done.

Saturday is once again becoming a sacred day of rest for me. I also unplugged from social media. I removed the Facebook app from my phone, and attempted to turn off the notifications from IG because I am just over being inundated with notifications and messages that just don't require so much of my time or attention.

Cheers! To starting my week off with more of God and less of the world. 

It's All in the Details...EXODUS 25

So...I am making my way through the book of Exodus. I was excited to begin reading it at first, and I mean why wouldn't I be? The book of Exodus is one of the most miraculous accounts in the Bible; from the plagues to the parting of the Red Sea. Once the Israelites make it out, it's clear that God is committed to teaching them how they must live for Him. Exodus 25 marks the beginning of chapters where God is more or less instructing them on how he must be worshiped; he's teaching them the difference between right and wrong worship.

He instructs Moses to build an ark and gives him the specifications on what it must have. It's mind-blowing at all the details of this ark. I was reading it the whole time thinking, "God, I don't care about some ark you ordered Moses to build thousand of years ago. How does this speak to me today? How can I apply this to my life today?" What I discerned from the Holy Spirit more or less is that God is a God of details. He cares about the details. And if details matter to Him then they should also matter to us. 

Moses needed to humble himself and listen to God. He could have never been obedient to creating the ark, if he never took the time to listen to God. Sometimes, I am disobedient because I don't listen. I don't wait for instruction. I dive right into something without having listened to whatever God had to say about it first. To obey means that willingness is present. It also means that you've listened. Listening and obeying may go hand-in-hand, but having an open ear always precedes any instruction and/or action that may follow.

Okay God, now I get it what you wanted me to get from Exodus 25.

America, America

America, America

How much blood can you take? You seem to crave it more than Audrey II in your Little Shop of Horrors only this ain’t a play. This is America. Gambino tried to warn us, but we thought he was being Childish. #thisisamerica

America, America

In the beginning, how eager we were to fight your war not realizing that when slavery was over and we would need you to protect us the most, you’d remove our federal protections to allow the states to decide our fate. And in the absence of those protections came the 3k’s. #reconstruction #noacres #nomules #thesouth #whitesupremacy

America, America

We hear your constitution, but we know your story. Know how you use religion to rule and justify inhumanity. You decided to give Jackson the $20 bill. No wonder why all these years later, and we still weep. Tell me, how can you keep track of all these Trail of Tears? #natives

America, America

Don’t tell me to pray while you burn crosses on my lawn, deny me a right live, and continue to oppress me with domestic terrorism. Don’t tell me about God and how much you love him whom you’ve never seen, yet you see me every day and hate me. #religion #legalism

America, America

Stop asking me if I forgive while you assume no accountability for your actions and refuse to uphold justice. You want me to have hope in your grand juries, all while you plot, scheme, shake hands with and accept bribes from your grand wizards to continue systemic racism in high places from behind closed doors. #kkk #whitesupremacy #nothankyou

America, America

Stop telling me lies about how All Lives Matter when you offer federal protections for birds that ain’t even from here; all in the name of profit! My people, my people…in that case I say it’s time for reparations! #canadageese #slavery

America, America

My fist and my movement offend you, but I am not here for you! So in the air I raise both my fist and my words as I boldly declare that Black Lives Matter! #powertothepeople #therevolutionwillnotbetelevised

America, America

Uncle Ben has all the rice you could ever need, so how could you justify the shooting of a brown Rice at the hands of fear? You hunt down our boys, Till their lives you viciously take. ForEvers it seems you assassinate our men until they have no choice, but to be free at last. #tamirrice #emmetttill #medgarevers #martinlutherkingjr

America, America

Oh how you love your hoods. Had that yung boi down in Florida been wearing your favorite one, perhaps he would still be here eating skittles in his freshly painted condo, and minding his own business. #trayvonmartin

America, America

Nearly six years ago, I told you “I can’t breathe.” It’s as if my death meant nothing to you because in the distance I can hear another man saying the exact same thing before he commits his spirit into the Lord’s hands. Welcome home, George. #ericgarner

America, America

I know you think I’m a threat, but with my hands cuffed behind my back, my face to the ground, and your knee pressing down tighter and tighter on my neck as I say I can’t breathe, tell me as you’re killing me, who’s the bigger threat; you or me? #georgefloyd

America, America,

This is me. Melanin poppin, rhythm havin, full-lips havin, black man I’m lovin, black boi we’re raising, swagged out me! I ain’t goin nowhere. We ain’t goin nowhere. My weapon is my mind. My weapon is my pen. Ever observant and ever woke. Have you forgotten that the same Savior who died for you, also died for me? #EQUAL

John 4

Scripture breakdown using the SOAP method (Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer).

John 4:24-

S: God is spirit, and those who must worship him must worship in Spirit and truth.

O: Worship isn't limited to singing songs and crying out to God. Worship is a lifestyle spent in trying to offer a blameless service to God in every area of our lives. 

A: I am one with God not because he is my natural father, but because I have been born again, which is precisely what Jesus explained to Nicodemus. In becoming born again, this gives me access to worshiping God in Spirit and truth. The truth requires confession. A willingness of me being honest and vulnerable to confess what's on my heart, what sins I have committed in an effort to turn away, and sin no more. I am human. I am going to sin, but in worshiping God in Spirit and truth, it helps me be conscious about my need to repentant daily; for without repentance there can be no true worship.

P: Father God, please help me to not be ashamed of confessing my sins to you. Help me also have the humility to confess my sins to others, and to remember that there is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. My desire is to worship you in Spirit and in truth. Please help my spirit align with this desire when my flesh seems determined to overtake it. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Closing remarks: To worship God "in truth" is to worship him in a biblically accurate way--through the one who is the truth. The Father wants such people to worship him. God is on the hunt for those who will worship him spiritually through Jesus Christ based on the truth of his Word. [The Tony Evans Bible Commentary]